Hi Tab Family,
As Sana said in this week’s sermon, I too have doubts as to who carries me through this world, who at times holds me up and who holds me as I rest. There are many days where I forget it’s not just me out here left to flounder around, aimless and overwhelmed, under resourced and overworked.
Sana preached about what they do on days like that, having said:
“On those days, I lay down and feel the entire earth holding up my body. Even though my body is still the same, I feel lighter with the sensation that every part of the earth is holding every part of me, that it is not my own two feet carrying me through the world. (I want to believe.) On those days, I remember my spiritual ancestors and mentors, Mary, Rahab, Ruth, Tamar, Elizabeth, Hagar, Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, Ella Baker, Fannie Lou Hamer, Pauli Murray, bell hooks, Bishop Flunder, Kelly Brown Douglass, Pastor Katie, and many other women, mothers, teachers, survivors, activists, saints, pastors, disciples and friends who were faithful to their call, who took on the yoke of Christ, embodied the belief that God is with us and God is for us.”
What an immense relief it is— to be held by this Earth and all our ancestors, all these saints, long past or still breathing, are here to hold us not only on our mission and through our ministry, but they are here to hold us in our rest.
There have been moments in my life I made it through which I cannot ignore and chalk up to my own willpower. Because this “life” business— this is real stuff. It’s no joke even though sometimes, especially since the pandemic started, I feel like I’m the latest star of The Truman Show. There have been times I’ve been lifted, or more aptly— dragged, from point A to point B by my ancestors, saints, mentors, and/or the Trinity. And while I am actually starting to practice taking credit for my own resilience and sheer stubbornness, I can still point to these moments that really had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with those who have held me.
It’s such a relief to know I don’t need to earn this rest, this grace, this force that pulls me through.
In this time while Pastor Katie is on sabbatical, my prayer is that she feels held by the Holy Spirit and that she is yoked to Christ as she not only rests, but reconnects to her purpose, her essence, and to her ministry. It is my prayer that we as a family at Tab not only rest as well, but that we hold each other in this in-between.
Peace and grace be with you, fam.
Taylor Silvestri (they/them)